Red.

Red.

Red.

I wish I could be more descriptive, but all I see in red.
Please, understand me. Please, just listen to me.
My reasons make sense. Besides the one thing, I'm a very rational person.
But you're making me see red.

This is summer. This is my last chance. Starting in August, we'll all be gone, all of us. He'll be here for the next six years, and he has many opportunities. Me, not so much. This is it, I'm afraid. Please, give me this one last thing.. please. I don't want to see red when I reason, I want thing to be clear. I want to be calm, collective, persuasive. Now, I'm just ridiculous. And soon you'll start bringing up the most hurtful things from the past and throwing them in my face. "This is why you ruined all of your relationships, darling. This is why they left you. Of course it was all your fault!" Ireallywanttohateyourightnow, but I love you, so I can't. You just hurt me so much sometimes. My words snap because your words snap. Man, if only you could have been there that day with Susan when we started talking about the root of it all and what would make things easier. I hate crying in front of people, but I couldn't stop. It was this big horrible waterfall, and I was blubbering like this big, stupid baby because you were never there anymore. You worked, and you slept. I had it so much better than most girls, I must agree, but honestly most girls have it bad because this isn't even enough. I mean, I'm selfish, I guess.. spoiled. Cut me, man. Seriously. It's the only thing going through my head when I see this much red.. hurting and hurting and destroying and it's this big stupid cycle and I'm surprised that I'm not A) in my room, destroying myself or B) stuffing my face with tortilla chips until I can't contain them in my stomach anymore and then making everything go away.

I've sort of calmed down now. I guess that's all I really needed to say about that. The hard part is going to be saying the cool, collected part to your face, getting rejected, and not getting upset about it, but that's whatever. I hate my temper. I get vicious.