OK, so, I'm standing in the middle of this huge field, right? I think it's a wheat field, but I'm not really sure what a wheat field looks like, but it doesn't really matter. A more obvious kind of field would be a corn field or something similar where the end product actually resembles the beginning. That'd be too easy, though. So, anyway, I'm standing in the field and there are all these mountains surrounding me. If I ran the length of the field in any direction, I'd hit a mountain and have to start climbing. The only way out is to overcome my lazy, hopelessness and start hiking. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Hopelessness? Really? I mean, hopeless on the outside and hopeless on the inside are two completely different things. One can seem like they are hopeless and one can say that they are hopeless, but that's not necessarily what they believe. In some cases, the assumed hopeless are actually hopelessly confident, they are sure of their success, they are hopeful. But then they're knocked on their feet when things go awry, they're drowned when the sky spits out rain. What is success? How do you spell it, breathe it, see it..? How do you accomplish anything? When I was young, I used to define success in relationships. I guess that was a good way to sum it up. Because now they aren't enough. I am lacking.

I'm so done with this. I need to freaking pursue dreams, but I'm not doing anyfreakingthing! Like wtf are my dreams? I want to get married.. that much I know. I don't even know about children.. eventually. But I want a career. That's for sure. I want to do something I love. I just don't think I love anything. I want to be busy all of the time. I want to express myself. I want to interact with people and not be serving them chicken all of the time. I want to do things that require effort and SUCCEED at them.