Calypso

So, I'm trying to be extraordinarily healthy again. I hate the fact that it's so hard. I started taking classes at the gym, and I'm counting my calories a little bit more closely. Yes, I am in the normal weight range (although the high end) for my weight and height. Yes, most people think that I look fine. And I do look fine. But this weight loss is going to be for me and only me. It's not going to be for a boyfriend or for society, it is for me. And it will only be 10-15 pounds. I just want to feel lighter and better about myself. I've built a ton of muscle with my weight lifting, but I haven't really done very much in the fat loss department. That, I need to step up a bit. But whatever. I'm going to try eating 1200-1300 everyday and working out for at least an hour most days. That seems healthy enough. If it's not, then wow. I'm toast, I guess? I'm also vegan until July 19th.. then it is Myrtle Beach time. And since I'm still going to be on a 1200 calorie diet, I have to be a good girl. And I'll have to sneak in workouts, so I hope whoever ends up coming to the beach with me is willing to put up with that. But walking on the beach in the morning is very relaxing. I could have a chill week of just doing that and probably end up being fine. Hopefully we'll be walking around Barefoot Landing and Broadway at the Beach for the majority of the time, anyway.. and tanning. I need a tan worse than anyone else of the planet. Seriously. I'm not an albino, but sometimes people get confused.

I could talk forever about calories and nutrition and exercise. I probably should have kept my major in that, but oh well. I can't change it now or I'll lose my scholarship. And I want to be a nurse. I want to work at a hospital. I'm just getting cold feet about the rest of my life, I guess. I don't know. I always had bigger dreams than this. Am I just settling? I could be a doctor, a designer, I could be anything (maybe not a science teacher), but you know.. something else. I guess we'll just see how school goes. I mean, once I get started working in the hospital, and I'm making money, I could go back to school. And maybe, I won't even want to go back. Maybe I'll love it. And maybe I'll get married and have kids and forget all about silly dreams that don't even mean anything.. maybe my family will become my dreams. I don't know. I think that my soul is a dancer, though.

I sound ridiculous and I'm sorry to all of the readers of my blog whose time I'm wasting.

God is cool. I have no idea what he wants me to do, but I know He's there, making stuff work out. If I'm not supposed to be a nurse, he'll let me know. But for right now, I'm thinking that's what he wants me to do. I've got the scholarship and perfect schedule going for me. I've got a tutor for Chemistry and next semester is pretty much set. I'm in love with calendars and writing everything down. I'm about to go upstairs and get my chickalay calendar and mark it with everything that I might be doing in the next 6 months. Wow, the way things are falling into place is just incredible. I'm not used to this, really. I'm sitting here thinking, "Wow, God thanks, You are so awesome and Your plan is so great," and it's like woah, really? Is this my mind thinking these things? I'm usually so rebellious, never wanting to thank Him or even talk to Him. I'm usually angry at Him (for no good reason), but now I'm thinking we are becoming friends again. I was reading Psalms and I really liked it. I need to get into a better Bible reading habit, though. I read that Captivating book this AM, but the Bible was on the shelf somewhere. I found my awesome Bible, though. I missed that awesome Bibleness and now it is found, so yay for awesome Bibleness and stupid made up words.

I feel 13, wanting to blog about anything and everything. I guess it's all the free time. Hah!