Today

I know it's dark here, you know that I'm scared too
For some reason right now, of everything but you
Right now you're all that I recognize
You know I came here when I needed your soft voice
I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer
Now I wait here, and sometimes I get one

It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired
You are stuck to me everyday
Believe in what I am because it's all I have today
And tomorrow who knows where we'll be
From here I can hardly see a thing
But I will follow anyone who brings me to you
For now, forever, for on and on and on

You know it starts here, outside waiting in the cold
Kiss me once in the snow, I swear it never gets old
But I will promise you I can make it warmer next year
You know I came here when I needed your soft voice
I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer
Now I stay here, and everyday I get one

It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired
You are stuck to me everyday
Believe in what I am because it's all I have today
And tomorrow who knows where we'll be
From here I can hardly see a thing
But I will follow anyone who brings me to you
For now, forever, for on and on and on

So go plug in your electric blanket
We can stay in 'till our southern summer wedding day
Go plug in your electric blanket
We can stay here

--

There's a film on the wall,
makes the people look small
who are sitting beside it,
all consumed in the drama.
They must return to their lives once the hero has died.
They will drive to the office
stopping somewhere for coffee,
where the folk singers, poets and playwrights convene,
dispensing their wisdom,
Oh dear amateur orators.

They will detail their pain
In some standard refrain.
They will recite their sadness
Like it's some kind of contest.
Well, if it is, I think I am winning it,
All beaming with confidence
as I make my final lap.
The gold medal gleams
so hang it around my neck
cause I am deserving it:
the champion of idiots.

--



A post full of lyrics because I don't feel like using my own words. Today was trying. I want to remember what Trust is, but it's hard. I want to learn what Love is, but I keep getting distracted. And I'm incredibly foolish on so many levels. But things will be OK, no matter what they will be OK. If I'm with or without what I want, they'll be OK because I'll have what I need forever. It's so hard to believe that, so hard.. that all that I need is right in front of my face, is in me and around me, yet I keep reaching for so many other things. I guess I lied, and now I'm using my own words, but seriously. This is hard. I talked to a friend today, about God. It's hard to believe in Him and do what He wants us to do when we can't feel Him. It's hard not to picture Him as this father who runs his house solely on rules and not love.. I know that He is Love, but it's just.. hard.

My heart hurts so badly right now. Things are different, relationships are different, and someone I know must have tried to kill themselves because they just got back from a mental hospital.. and my heart aches and burns for that person. I don't understand why (even though I will deny this again and again) that I worry so much about this person. Does he know any better? Ugh. I used to say that he was just making things up, messing with people's heads, but he must really be sad if he tried to kill himself. And it's not even the first time. Praise God that he has never been successful. But why is he so sad and why will he never listen to anyone who knows the truth and wants to care for him? I don't understand a lot of things...