List

Thanks, Joe, for reminding me of this. Random numbers for random people at midnight.

one.

You're so different. Or maybe it's me that's different, but we don't click anymore like me used to. You just put up with me, and then you ditch me at the first possible chance. We used to talk so much about accountability. Whatever happened to that? You have no idea that I haven't read my Bible or really prayed to God in over a month. I was interested. I wanted to be there for you. But it was a one sided feeling. Now we're one thousand miles apart (not physically), and it seems as if you could care less. Every attempt that I make to get closer to you, you shrug it off. Every time that I speak to you, you treat me like I'm some annoying little kid. I miss our friendships and conversations.

two.

You're definitely different in a different way, but I miss hanging out with you and I hate that we both don't care enough to change that. Hopefully we can hang out more if you have as big of a break as I do after exams. I worry sometimes that you'll fly too far off track. But you have protection. I need to call you next week.

three.

I miss hanging out with you too, but I see you more often than I see the above person. You're also closer, although I shared over half of my life with the above person. And still, we're not even that close. You're the kind of person that needs to be pursued in some cases. I understand that, but it's hard when I'm the same way. I feel like I can tell you most anything and you wouldn't get mad at me. That's nice, but I want you to feel the same way. I'm not completely volatile, you know? You're always looking for people to save, but can't you just chill and let have fun when you want to have fun without feeling guilty for forgetting to call your friend who wants to die and hates her life and wants you to hate your life so she won't feel left out and so on and so forth? I'm not really referring to a specific example here, by the way. I just want to be better friends with you.

four.

I absolutely and positively love you. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for you. You're everything I ever needed/wanted in a person, and I would say more, but what we have and what I feel about you is indescribable.. you get cheated a lot, it seems like.. I wish I could be there all the time and fight for you and make things the way they should be. I want to take care of you for the rest of my life.

five.

Our friendship doesn't feel the same. It isn't. You're a hypocrite, and everyone always takes your side. I hate it because you're not always right. You're still my friend the same way that I'm still your friend. All of the above things are also true about me. No one ever really takes my side, but hey, what is this.. kindergarten? I wish that we both weren't so argumentative and easily annoyed. You never really used to be.. but you are now for some reason. This whole paragraph about you is definitely the pot calling the cattle black, but oh well. At least I know this. I still like talking to you. We should do it more often. We don't have a lot in common anymore, but maybe we do? Who knows. It's been a while since we've ever really hung out.

six.

I don't like you sometimes, but I hardly ever see you, so it's OK. I miss your personality, but I always hated trying to get your attention. I like the fact that you have strong opinions. Just don't be too harsh with people, OK?


I'm tired now. And frustrated.