wordswordswords

"With all those curls and off-white pearls, I'd say you came... looking for love."

I miss This Love Machine. Why did they have to break up? :(
Oh well.

I miss too many things.
Like the ocean and one ten and kisses and ease and peace.
(When was there ever peace?)

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I tried to read again today and I got amazingly distracted, but I guess I'm trying at least. I hate the mindset I have sometimes. I feel like the exception. I can read and read and see examples of things that He has done for people who have done things that aren't pleasing and doubted Him.. and how He still loves them and wants to be with them, but my mind (or Satan) keeps telling me that I'm the exception, I'm the one who doesn't get that. And I hate that I can't break free of that.
I'll be reading and it's like Hah, whatever. You've read this before, you've lived this before. What's the point? It's not like it applies to you, Mrs. Screw-Up-of-the-Century. But I was in the shower yesterday, and stuff sort of came together in my mind. There is no truth outside of Him. I'm a liar, everyone is a liar. He is the only absolute truth in the universe. Everyone lies, it's scary how much people lie, how you can't trust anyone.. but you can trust Him.. even though I'm stupid and I definitely don't. I think I can trust myself, but I can't. I'm so full of lies that's it's a trip. I think I'm fat, I think I'm ugly, I think everyone hates me, I think God doesn't love me, I think I'm an exception, and the list goes on and on. I mean, it's not anything that anyone does that puts these ideas into my head.. it's all me. And maybe I have a past, maybe I've been in abusive relationship (with a guy, with myself), but shouldn't I take these things and make them into something good?

I'm rambling so much and my excessive coffee drinking has given me a stomach ache. I need to go clean my room so Aunt and Uncle can stay in it next week. I get to sleep on the floor after graduation. Yay? But it doesn't matter. I'll have graduated. I'm excited for this next week. Tomorrow, I have a graduation thing at church, Tuesday, a more intimate church graduation thing, Friday-GRADUATION!!!, Saturday-fiestas de graduation, and then next Monday, I have a Chick-fil-A graduation thing. ksdfjadkjfadl, I need to get moving.


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I'm having really stupid resentment feelings right now, and I want to scream.