I swapped my innocence for pride
Crushed the end within my stride
Said 'I'm strong now I know that I'm a leaver"
I love the sound of you walking away
Mascara bleeds a blackened tear
And I am cold
Yes I'm cold
But not as cold as you are
I love the sound of you walking away
--
I don’t love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream
--
You've never been so divine in accepting your defeat
And I've never been more scared to be alone.
If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep
Then I'm putting out the lantern, find your own way back home
--
I'm sick of shaking
never waking
from the hell I achieve
I never knew you till you left me
with the crying disease
Another curing, reassuring
way to buckle the knees
So mistreated, I repeated
Never blessing your sneeze
Now deleted and defeated
I will stand on my own
Yeah your memory that punches me
has broken the bone
Give me recipes for sorry
I'm admitting I'm wrong
Still your memory that punches me
has broken the bone
--
If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out
It's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed
--
There is an ember in the heart of the kiln
And it's burning hot with love
Burning out my center till there's nothing but dust
rolling me with care into your cigarette
Cause the God I believe in worked on a campaign trail
What did you learn tonight?
You're shouting so loud, you barely joyous, broken thing.
You're a voice that never sings, is what I say
You are freezing over hell
You are bringing on the end, you do so well
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say
Who do you carry that torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?
--
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far
Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that
and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)
--
I don't think I've ever really forgiven anybody. But that's not necessarily true. There's plenty of people that have made me absolutely livid that I can now talk to freely and easily, all grudges aside. I guess it's just certain people, the people who have hurt me the most. There are things from years and years ago that hardly even matter that I can't forget. Crying every Sunday, crying every weekday. It's OK now because it's not happening. I just can't help but to remember. And particularly sophomore year. That.. I will never forget, I don't think I will ever stop feeling bitter. And now. It's those long-term things that sting the most I guess. The cold shoulder after what seemed like an eternal warm connection. The change in temperature can put your body into shock. You can pretend, you can learn to imitate normalcy, and it does get easier. But you still fail. Maybe it'll take a few more years. That's OK. I guess you can't rush these things.
I can be happy regardless (I think). I have plenty. And I'm going to be so late to church (What's new?), but oh well. I have enough.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wisdom Always Chooses These Black Eyes and These Bruises
Posted by Amanda at 7:46 AM
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1 comments:
As I was reading these lyrics I got a flashback of when I asked you why you listen to such sad songs and you said because I'm not going to listen to fake happy songs when I'm sad. I've been thinking that over in my head, and I believe there is a difference between happy-go-lucky-shoot-me songs and Praise Him in the storm songs that still add hope at the end. (though I know one of those songs in there was a relient k song)
I want you to be better, but you have to want it yourself as well. You can't keep drowning in your misery, because that "enough" is not enough. I don't like when you fake happiness - there is real joy that's possible, and real healing and forgiveness. Move on and throw off the things that hinder you. It won't stop until you stop the things that reopen the wounds. Even if it's step by step, but don't stay, or back track. Idk if that makes sense, but it's just something to think about. Don't settle. Don't.
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