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So much hostility in the air. So much hostility in the air.
You get what you want and then you get greedy.
You get what you want and then you forget everything else.

I don't even know where to start. There are so many abstract ideas running through my head that it's hard to breathe. Why can't I accept that everything happens for a reason? And why can't I be still?

I'm such a bad example. She was always there for me, and now she is breaking, she is leaving. I want to tell her that it'll all be OK, but who am I? Who am I? How can I tell her that it'll be OK? What can I say? I remember that day, two and a half years ago, when I was empty. I broke my year long fast, and it hurt me so much that I cried for two hours and had to go home. But God put her there. God put her there to encourage me, to build me up, to remind me that I was human... and I can never be thankful enough. Fragments of falling played over in my head tonight. I want to share how to come back. I want her to know how I came back, how she can come back. But I keep tripping and all of the slipping in the mud makes my story as bitter as blood. And it's meaningless. It's meaningless. Oh, God, don't let her die. Oh, God, don't let her die. I've never cared so much about a person's salvation. I've never cared so much about anything, really. And it kills me that I don't know what to do. It kills me that I'm probably the one leading her astray. She's seen me running before, and she thinks it's OK.

"The leaf, you hold so carefully, is what he made for you to enjoy. Do you like it? The leaf is just a detail to the twig that caresses it. That twig is just a detail to the branch that belongs to the trunk. The tree belongs to the ground and the ground belongs to the land. The land makes up the country that is surrounded by our oceans. The oceans and lands belong to this earth. And the earth belongs to you. And you belong to our God.

Do you see it now?"

Do you? Oh, your words are so beautiful, your soul is so beautiful. Can't you see how blessed you are? You've been through so much, you've been put through so much, but don't stop seeing. Don't stop seeing. The world needs you. And God wants you. My anguish does not even begin to compare to His as He mourns over your momentary blindness, your insatiable emptiness. Oh, please see and be filled.

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Oh, praise God for answering my prayer. Ahh, I am immensely happy and a little bit in awe by His mysterious ways.

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20