The Point of No Return (and How It Doesn't Exist)

Your words make me shiver because I can feel Him in them, but there is nothing you can do. I know that you want to, and I know that I want you to. But I've done this before. It's a sad thing to say. I don't have all of the answers, but I know how to get them. I don't know why I return to the mud after brief episodes of standing on dry ground. The future looks so beautiful, but I turn my back. The numbers take over my body, and I give in to their song of shame. I see Truth in so many people, Truth that I long for, but I am filled with guilt rather than inspiration. In my cookie cutter life, there was a clear road to this Truth. How is it even possible that I have wound up in this mud, this flood of deception when the road was so straight? Looking to the past, I danced with one demon after the other. My mouth turned foul, my anger turned hot, my wrists turned raw and red. All of the Sunday School lessons, the Wisdom, the Truth, supplied to me so freely, collapsed on my recklessness and rebellion. I have always been given so much, yet I turned away from it all. In breaking my body, defiling the Temple which God has given to me, I broke the hearts of all that surrounded me. And I feel so terrible. Everything was so straight and proper, but my purposeless wrath was like a tornado, destroying everything in its path. I have no one to blame except for myself. How can I come back after this?

"'Come now, let's settle this,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.'" Isaiah 1:18