The Beginning

As I look out across the ocean, the breeze blows in my direction, lifting a salty mist up from the water and cooling my skin. I look down at the wet curls which have finally grown long enough to cover the soaked material of my bathing suit which clings to my pale chest. My body is a mystery to me: forever changing, forever growing. I wrap my arms around my waist as if to control the evolvement which for so long has been my enemy, but then let go. Why should I fight this? Why should I run from these marks of womanhood that God has blessed me with? When they existed previously, I was too young to understand, but now adult life lingers around the corner. It's time to grow up, to stop playing the role of the rueful rag doll and become something genuine. As much as I hate to admit it, I am the most dependent person that I know. Depending on God is a necessity, but the worldly dependence which I have allowed to become my identity needs to stop.

I don't even know how to finish this because it hardly makes sense to me. When you live in the mirror for so long, reality is backwards and confusing. I want to carry this thought, this idea which is based on pure simplicity, and make a life out of it. I know that this isn't just me, this isn't something that I have come up with on my own. This is God, this is God speaking to me. He speaks through the ocean, the breeze, the sun which warms my back. He speaks through my body, the way my feet sink into the sand as the tide comes in.

I need to listen.