"Let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart..."
But how can I when the calorie content of every food I've consumed for the past four years is plastered upon this tablet like unwelcome graffiti? I wish I could just push this out of my mind, but it haunts me like nothing else. It was a religion. It was nothing less than a religion. Ana and Mia wanted to play god. I wanted to see God, but I couldn't get beyond the flesh. So I stopped and I starved and I swayed and I sank.
"You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods..." Exodus 20:4-5a
But I did. I did. And in doing so, I stole from God. I stole away all of the devotion, honor, and praise that should have been given to Him and focused it on my body, on my restriction. I feel so bad. How can I shrug this off?
These past four years have been a blur. I can't even recall how I jumped from one extreme to the other.. one shameful practice to the next. And it's so hard to feel forgiven, so hard to feel free from it all. I know that God's love has no limits, but I replaced Him. It's weird thinking about it. You know how when you give up your citizenship to the United States, you can't get it back? What if God were like that? What if I could never go back to Him?
"His son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.' But his father said to the servants, '. . . We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.'" Luke 15:21-24
My mind is so scattered and this probably doesn't even make sense, but I learned a lot today--a whole lot. And I hope to continue learning and growing every day.
"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27
(:
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Posted by Amanda at 4:00 PM
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4 comments:
:)
I'm so happy that you are working through all of this. Most people never do. I'm so glad that God is showing you all of this, and I'm so thankful that God never leaves us, and never let's us stay gone.
It's hard to realize that God will take us back even when we put other things first. But I'm so glad He does. Even today, I know I put myself first at a couple points. But I find delight when he let's us catch those times so we can grow from them.
God has amazing plans for you girl. I'm so glad that God is showing you these things through His Word. It's an amazing, powerful thing - and a Sword for your daily life and when you go into Battle. (:
Ephesians 6:10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [Rascal Flatts song!] Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the SWORD of the Spirit, which is the WORD OF GOD. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Actually scratch where I capalized the 'Sword' and 'word of God'. I kinda took that out of context, lol.
It's talking about the Holy Spirit being the Sword and the Bible being for fitting your feet with the 'Good News' in the NLT version and 'gospel' in the NIV.
I just always think about the Bible as being a Sword because when you come across people and you witness to them you think about Bible verses, but ultimately it would be the Spirit working through you and telling you what to say.
So, I just had to clear that up. :)
The beautiful thing about God is that "what if" never even has to be considered. He holds a defined yet undefined sovereignty. He will always take you back into His arms, and no sin would cause Him to turn from you. I'm glad you realize it... His predestination for you is just unbelievable, for all of us. His blessings are something that will guide us all of our lives and provide a beacon for when we stray from the path.
I'm glad to see that youre growing.
and I'm glad to see youre happy :]
I love you girl!
I know that you've struggled with this for a long time now, and I wish i could do more for you.
Your a very strong Christian, and what makes you even stronger is you recognizing your weaknesses and admitting them.
Not a lot of people can do that
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