Good things happen sometimes, but I'm stuck on this low. I want to ride this low all the way down because it is beautiful. Every bite I take is like another failure. I can do so many good things, but then I fail.
I am number 20 out of 421 in my class.
I made an A in AP Language.
I continue training on Monday (more money for Amandaaa).
Two more track meets--only two.
The AP exam is in less than a month. Once it is over, I'll have a whole block on movies and naps.
I get to sleep in on Saturday.
I just talked to Tyler on the phone for a whole HOUR--he gets better and better.
The Daniel's Fast is starting soon! I am ready to purify myself physically and spiritually.
I signed up for next year's classes today:
AP Calc AB and BC, Honors English IV, Honors Chemistry, Honors Anatomy, Honors Spanish III, Honors Bible Studies, and Crafts I.
I'M GOING TO BE A SENIOR!
Summer is coming. I sense many days of working and all of the other days spent by the pool.
But I still fail because of my gluttony. I still fail.
Numbers. cw=???1gw=118.2gw=116.3gw=114.4gw=112.5gw=110.ugw=108.il=1000/d or<, 800/d?... down, down, down, da-down.
I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain. He wakes up, drives to work,
and then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me.
Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me.
I am a waste of breath, of space, of time."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Waste of Paint
Posted by Amanda at 8:36 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
Notice that all of those things on your list are temporary? I noticed how you were trying to make the positive come out, but it wasn't good enough. Wasn't good enough for you, even as you wrote it, you knew it. It just seemed pretty on the outside. Grades. Work. Sleep. Boys. Church things. You were still left misreable. With the numbers, with it all.
It's not good enough.
Not in the "not good enough" that you put yourself under, but in the "not good enough for you to really learn to love yourself and to love the life you live even when it's not perfect."
Temporary is fleeting. It's not going to fufill. Summer's going to end, highschools going to end, college is going to end.
I don't want you living your life below average or on average like we talked about today. Stop seeking the temporary.
Seek how HE see's you. This has all been said before - but it really is key. Some of the girls in the dorm I stayed at were telling me all about their pasts and stuff like that, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, no matter what they went through, told me that they didn't get better until they began to see who God was, and how God saw THEM!
I pray you have time to sit down with God, become raw with him, and BEG Him to show you how he SEE'S you. Stop, please stop, being mean to yourself. Your body is a gift to you, from God. Not a gift that is meant to be broken.
It reminds me of the song "Inside Out" You arn't going to find true happiness from the Outside In. You arn't going to be happy with yourself no matter how thin you get! Really! Learn what your value is and fix yourself from the inside out.
I'll see you tomorrow!
Post a Comment