Incredible, Starving, Insatiable

You know, I'm not really sure how this is supposed to work. Am I supposed to be quiet? Am I supposed to pretend? Yeah, people say to just live, but I'm living.. and now what? Yeah, I know it's all over and done with, but what now? I know that I made it into an ugly mess, but what else was I supposed to do? I tried. Don't ever say I didn't try because I tried so hard that I can hardly stand it. And I'm still the monster in this.. just because I can only take so much. But isn't that true of anyone? And now I'll be told that I'm playing the victim card. God, this is so stupid. No matter what I do, it's wrong. No matter what I feel, it's wrong. Because it'll make two people unhappy, it's wrong. I'm supposed to be happy about this. I'm supposed to feel good about this. I'm supposed to forget everything. I'm not trying to be selfish. I'm sorry if I am. I'm always selfish. I'm always mean. I'm always hurting--in both ways. I'm not better than anyone else. I know that. I suppose that I'm worse. I'm not good enough to be respected. I don't deserve to be respected. Yeah, you were sorry. But I wasn't good enough. The only reason I ever said anything was because I was scared. I wasn't trying to ruin anything, I was just scared. And I made a bigger mess and now I'm seen as much, much less. And you're regretting everything you ever said to expect for the things that you have said the past two months because the past two months have been bitter and ugly and that's what I am to you.. bitter and ugly. And that's all. And this will probably be misinterpreted, but I don't care. I'll be bitter and ugly anyway, so what's the point of hiding anything? I try to accept it, I try to be sorry, but all of this is rejected, and I'm hardly human. And then I bite back because I'm so hurt that I can't be still, I can't be quiet. I have to do something to keep the rain from falling, but in turn, I make a thunderstorm. And I'm hated and hated and hated. But not even hated, worse than that. I don't even exist. How am I supposed to believe in love after this? How am I supposed to believe in God? In anything? Those deemed ideal have the sharpest teeth, the sharpest claws. I don't want that. I don't want to be a part of that at all. But without it, I have nothing. And here comes the victim card again. Whatever. I'll be judged no matter what I say. But I can't say nothing.