Ugh, I hate school.
This semester sucks.
I just spent an hour on HUSH homework, and I'm not even done.
And then I have to write the most impossible essay evvvvver for AP Language.
My HUSH class has a lot of people I know in it, including like 23948390 ex boyfriends.. it's awkwarddd. The badbadbad ex sits in the back and talks crap about me. I hate his voice. It still scares me. The good ex sits right next to me, and he makes me laugh. Ethan is close to me too, but not close enough.
In Art II, I sit in the "ghetto" part of the class because of my terrible 'T' last name. Today, I almost drowned in stories about the 'hood and abusive boyfriends and crazy jealous ex's. And then they started talking about white girls, and I just sat there. Zach sits next to me, but I barely even know him anymore. It made me want to cry today. We got so close, and now he's just... gone.
In AP Language, it's like everyone in the class is best friends, and I'm just on the outside with this one other girl. I ate lunch with people that I know didn't really like me. Ken and Brian have my lunch, but I would have felt weird sitting with a bunch of guys. Everyone thinks I'm a tramp anways, but skdfjskjfksafj!!! :[ I love my teacher, though. She was excited to see me. I sort of shrugged it off because I'm all 'tough' and crap, but I was elated.
In Biology, I am one of the three juniors in the class. The rest of the people are sophomores. I sit next to a cool girl named Giselle with a crazy weave. She's a vegetarian, and I think that she might be addicted to sex, but it's okay. I like talking about sex enough. I asked the teacher to move me to the front anyways because I know I'll fail in the back. I can't force myself to not draw pictures and take notes.
Track was yucky, too. We "cheated" on our Walden run and then we had to run a timed 2-mile back to the school. I came home and ate the whole kitchen. I hate myself for it, but oh well.
Today was loooong. I am excited for Rachel's party. I am broke, though. It'll work out.
sdfkjsfkjdskfjksjfkajkasjkajfkjlafjlka
I'm off to write two essays!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wake Up Exhausted
Posted by Amanda at 6:50 PM
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5 comments:
oh boy, girl.
1st of all: all those other girls and people who think you're a tramp can do two things-- the first being, kiss your butt, and the second being come talk to me, and let me KICK their butt.
2nd of all: it's cool that you're befriending people. even if they're addicted to sex. be the light :)
3rd: pigging out can be good. it nourishes your body, right? you need energy!
can't wait to see you sunday. i have a big hug lined up for you!
i hate that your classes are mean. i'm glad that sex girl is nice lol. i'm sorry that anyone talks smack about you, because you don't deserve it. and i look forward to seeing you tomorrow! (:
hey, someone gave me advice once. it was this: if people talk about you is because they want to be like you. what i've done when people have talked about me is look @ it that way, "hey, i must be pretty cool since i'm their choice topic of conversation."
i think it's a lot easier said than done, but seeing mitch & reading your blogs, as well, as rachel's, joe's, kristina's, ashlin's, amanda's, kate's, etc, reminds me of difficult it is to be your age.
you know, mitch asked me the other day if i was happy w/how my life had turned out. and honestly, i am. i know it sounds so corny & like a cliche, but i really am. my secret, i take the negative i've been through, go through & will go through & turn it into a positive. oh, and i love to share with people, that's my therapy. it's probably easier, since i love talking, but it's really helped me overcome loads of stuff.
i enjoy reading what you write, because it's so honest & raw, just like everyone else i mentioned. if i were you're age, you'd all be the ppl i'd hang out with.
xoxoxo...... j
well zach's not worth getting to know. he a jerk yo. And yeah, schedules not the greatest on my side either, but it'll get better, I know this!
And I love you girl! I know it stinks when all you want to be is perfect and when the people that matter the most to you seem like they want you to be perfect, but relax. let life happen. ...yeah, right I know. ask God for a peace that only he can give. even when you're in the car about to scream your head off because the gps isn't working or when your in the middle of the SAT and you can't think of the right answer for the life of you, chill. take a deep breath and ask God for peace. he'll give it to you even when the beeping in your car won't stop. (the times when you said 'God, pleace make it stop were the times that it stopped for like 20 seconds! lol, I noticed this! :))
And know, you have a great support group who will let you be who you are and enjoy just being with you. Though I know it stinks when your at school with people that you don't click with, or it seems you don't know what to say. But I try to get through those moments and even make friends. Talk with the girl that's in your class that seems nice even if she dosn't belong to a group. It might not make you look 'cool' but I've met some great people that way. (:
You rock with your thug self. :D
Psalm 73:23-24; “Yet I am always with You. You hold me by my right hand. You will lead me by telling me what I should do. And after this, You will bring me into shining-greatness.”
(:
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