Bad habit

I want to be free from this.
I really do.

But it's in my head, it's in my head.
Numbers and more numbers
I'm constantly adding and subtracting and estimating, and it's driving me crazy.

When I let go of them, I get scared.
I'm barely hanging onto them now, and it's terrifying.
They're slipping from my mind, and I need them.

They help me shrink.
They help me to be out of the way.
They give me a sense of accomplishment.
They are my driving force.

But they kill me,
they kill me:

They make me cry.
They make me bleed.
They make my skin crack.
They make my throat burn.
They make my heart weak.

I'm so confused.
And no one even knows.
No one knows...

I've gone to God and He's gotten me out of this.
My inconsistency keeps drawing me back in.