[all of these quotes are not mine]

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there.
-Little Manhattan



At times, I do miss being your girlfriend. The one you looked forward to seeing every day. The one who lit up your world. The only reason for your happiness. But right now, more than anything, I just miss being in your life. It's been weeks since we've talked, even though I pass you every single day. Soon it will turn to months. I wish things didn't end the way they did. I really miss you. Not entirely to the point where I want to be with you again. But enough to make my heart ache.. when I think if the happiness that was brought to me every time you were around me. And I wonder, do you ever think the same?

"When I awoke this morning, you were still asleep. As I awoke I heard you gentle breathing. I saw your closed eyes beneath wisps of stray hair and I was deeply moved. I wanted to cry out, to wake you, but you slept so deeply, so soundly. In the half light your skin glowed with life so warm and sweet. I wanted to kiss it, but I was afraid of you awake in my arms again. Instead, I wanted something no one could take from me; mine alone ... this eternal image of you. Beyond your face I saw a pure, beautiful vision showing us in the perspective of my whole life... all the years to come, even all the years past. This was the most miraculous thing: to feel, for the first time, that you had always been mine. That this night would go on for ever, united with your warmth, your will. At that moment I realized, how much I loved you ... I wept with the intensity of the emotion. For I felt that this must never end, we would remain like this for all our lives, not only close, but belonging to each other in a way that nothing could ever destroy, except the apathy of habit, the only threat. Then you wakened and, smiling, put your arms around me, kissed me and I felt that there was nothing to fear. We would always be as we were in that moment, bound by stronger ties than time and habit."
-La Notte, 1961


this is me.

OK, so how do you make me so happy despite all of the pain that you have caused me over the past five years of my life? I mean, it's not like you've been present in these past five years, but you were a part of them, you'll always be a part of me. You were my first kiss, my first love, and nothing will ever change that. I just hate the fact that although we ended in such a bad way, I forgive you and will forgive you again if you do decide to hurt me a millionth time.

I am happy when I am doing things that I have never done before.
I am happy when I am doing things that I probably shouldn't do.

I am happy when you are happy, but you're never really happy anymore.
I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, where are you?

We were young and dumb, but it still was fun..

It's like the Notebook. We pick up right where we left off. It can happen, it can. Soon my heart will be fully shaken of this false theory. This is going to be messy. This is going to be so messy.

I remember when I used to think in color. With you, there was so much color and expression and every action carried through was in a pursuit to enhance the richness of each hue and to mix them together, creating brilliance.

I think I know what I need. I just can't put it into the proper words. I need someone who will save me from myself.. someone who will understand and support me. Because romances like the movies do exist. I need to stop settling for crying myself to sleep.

"I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Sayin' let me walk away, please
You'll be free child once you have died
from the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
till then walk away walk away walk away walk away
So I'm up at dawn, putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving but I don't know where to
I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to"

I haven't acted like myself for a whole week.

Fix You

Oh, no, she is so.. so.. oh so vicious, as eye contact is shattered by the cracks in her melting heart. His eyes were enchanting. They were soft, warm, safe.. wait! Safe? In the eyes of a 'lover'? There is so such thing as safe in a romance so unexpected, so unplanned.. there is no such thing as safe at all.. is there? These cracks in her heart come from wear and tear. The constant solidity and low temperature were built as a defense mechanism, protecting the precious materials that lay within after they were in underabundance so many times. So when 'love' comes around, she melts (slowly, but surely). Because of the cracks, she leaks, she is spilled. The effects of the spill over the rest of her body is pain, sharp pain--in order to cope with this unnecessary (and unexplained to the unaware) pain, she must grit her teeth and move on, changing her personality, becoming someone she is not. She aches too badly to carry on normally. This then becomes the root of all of her problems. She becomes suspicious and cynical, doubting everything about him that she once saw as a sure, beautiful thing. She holds onto him with such a grip that he, too, cries out in pain. He has to get away from this indifferent monster, but he still wants to find the girl he had known before. What is he to do, but flee? There are many other girls, of course. The one he fell in love with can't possibly be that much different from another.





Isolation becomes the solution. In solitude, she may again grow cold. This is no way to live because frostbite is deathly and all of the exposure to ice will eventually be the end of her. What she needs is someone who will research the problem, someone who will open her up, find the cracks, and spend months and years trying to sew them up, even if she continues to bleed out. With persevearance and hard work, he will find the solution. Her body and it's self mechanisms will calm down, she will be at ease, she will be free.



And then, only then, will she trust again.




When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Galaxies Collide

This is the Milky Way Galaxy. This is where we live. I can't even begin to imagine a sight more incredible than this.

I've never been the type of girl that goes for a ton of glitter, but home is topping the biggest bedazzled divas one hundred million times over--probably more. This is the kind of shimmer that I love, the kind that I want to capture in necklaces and eye shadows and the eyes of pretty boys. This is the sparkle that I am dying to recreate or rediscover in a way that allows me to hold it close to my eyes and closer to my heart.

Every flash of light is a lost love story, a sun or a planet that may lay unexplored. Although value may remain a mystery, each entity is displayed as a fine, pure jewel against the beautiful black velvet canvas.

However far off it is, I'm imagining luxe dinner parties with women in enchanting diamonds and perfectly-hung velveteen dresses. Attire is mostly classy and black, although there is the occasional guest who is so bold to where and earthy green or a deep purple. The diamonds are mostly white, carved, and polished up to perfection by an expensive jeweler with a careful high, though the rare and wild colored jewels pop up in unexpected places. The small, careful blonde in the corner wears a pink diamond in her barrette. Though she wishes to hide behind her silky, cornflower curls, the uncommon gem shines brightly, revealing and complementing her flushed cheeks. The man with the grey diamonds in his watch and the green diamonds in his eyes takes notice.


My heart is a star for you to ignite. I'm ready to be the one that burns for you tonight. So bring me to life just like the stars that shine when galaxies collide. Love is a destination few ever find, but I'm watching our constellations start to combine. Counting down for an impact staring at the sky above, I've had enough of this distance so far from your love.

Four Strong Winds [edit]

Cherry blossoms are by far one of my favorite things to look at. They are naturally one of the daintiest colors and they are so fragile as the wind chases them off of the trees. They make me think of ballet, the pointed, pink satin shoes thrusting from the floor in a powerful movement, but floating through the air in a seemingly effortless manner. I can see balance, poise, and a thousand beauties in one instant. And I am jealous, yet still enthralled. Please tell me that I'm beautiful, too? Sometimes I long to be swept up into the breeze as a dancer and a flower, singing with my shifts in stance, harmonizing with nature's ballerinas as we made our way across the skyline.

Liberation, beauty, peace--I am all of these, you are all of these, we are all of these as we go through each day, living for someone, giving our heart's away to each waking moment. We are where we are because it is where we are supposed to be. The breeze stops, the petals fall, and they are lifted by a stranger who has forgotten beauty. And you are what makes him remember.

Grey light, new day leaks through the window

It is night, and the clouds lie grey against the blackest black of the sky. A breeze passes, pushing the foggy blanket aside to reveal the most precious diamonds, lost suns to galaxies unknown.

I want to sleep outside next to you. I want to share everything that it beautiful with you. Because I can see beautiful things too. Even though grey is one of my favorite colors, it is because it is calm, passive, soothing. Like the night sky, it can amaze me and put me to sleep all at the same time. But I can see in color too. I can see purple flowers blossoming in the neighbor's garden, I can see cherry blossoms blowing off of their branches, dancing in the wind. Sunsets, sunrises, a mother and her child.

Sometimes beauty makes me want to cry in the best way imaginable because I'm so filled with joy that I don't know how to express it.

I trust you now. And that alone, is beautiful.

Oh, stop crying like that love
Don't wash away that smile
I can kiss away a tear but not a flood

Smash all your mirrors
I swear, love, they lie
Could you see what I see
If your eyes were mine?

Next time you need me
Click your heels to be in my arms
There's no place like home
There's no place like home

Smash all your mirrors
I promise you, they lie
Could you see what I see
If your eyes were mine?

If your eyes were mine...

---

The dude sucks live, but I accidentally had this on repeat on my way home. Hm.

Oh, how I need You. Without You, I cannot love. Without You, I cannot feel anything.

Gee, don't I suck? I always have to jump out of your hands like a rebellious little child. I jump into a sea of actions, emotions, and words. I pick them up, put them down, and trip over everything. I can't even speak without You.

Why does it seem like I'm so much more crippled than anyone else on the planet?