I cannot be rid of it unless I fully surrender it. He knows, He sees, He hears. I told Him that I don't want it anymore. But I still have it. Man. I have to tell her. That's part of surrendering, I guess. Because if she knew, she'd do everything to make sure that I didn't have it anymore. That scares me. So I guess if I'm scared of losing it, then I'm not giving it up. Logic sucks.
It's 1 AM. I got off the phone an hour ago. I'm too exhausted from this thorn in my flesh to move, too exhausted to sleep. It has become such a large part of me that I don't know where to stop. I want to stop.
Wow.
What do I have if I don't have you, Jesus? What in this life could mean any more?
Nothing, nothing.
Everything is meaningless.
There is no life without Him.
I feel dead.
I felt so alive, but now I feel so dead.
Oh, make me bold.
Beat me down with a stick until I learn what it's like to really suffer.
I am so unworthy.
Please die ana
For as long as you're here, we're not
You make the sound of laughter
And sharpened nails seem softer
It has become so much of me that I no longer exist. It has hidden it's pain and end results with false beauty and manipulation.
Holy Spirit, pray what needs to be prayed. I don't know anymore. Thank God for You.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Spiritual Warfare
Posted by Amanda at 12:53 AM
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6 comments:
:) I love you and I'm praying so hard for you in my deepest prayers! You should totally read "The Shack" I think you'll love it.
I am praying that the Holy Spirit fills you with strength that you would have never dreamed of on your own, to have that conversation, that you know you need to have. You have no idea the magnitude of the answer that will spill out from that conversation. Who knows but God! Aaaah, I'm rooting for you girl! LOVE YOU!! See you soon! :)
very deep, so deep i don't know what your talking about, but yet i want to know...cause its intriguing.
Joking aside, I love you girl, and your rockin the world for Jesus. :)
as lame as it is
i understand. and identify completely with this from past experiences, like.. you understand.
*as lame as it is that i'm saying this!
I think that when you finally realize that you are bigger than this, and when you realize that He would never want you to hurt like this, you'll give it up. But only when all of you is behind what youre wanting to say will it be said. Logic makes any change difficult. So do morals and common sense and a bunch of other things, but they cloud what He has to say. I dont understand why we even try to be logical when we should do what is reflected into us through Him. I know that His Spirit will compel you to do great, amazing things. One conversation is going to change so much.
I'm here. And I know we talk about it, but if you want to talk more or need more support then I'm here. But the support I give holds no candle to what He can do. Praaay. Pray with the entirety your heart, block out the world and just sing to Him. He will harmonize with you and the end result is going to be so beautiful.
And this makes me excited in a way because maybe the day I've been praying for is growing closer?
But when you act, just make sure all of you is there. Hopefully that makes sense, haha. I love you muuuy mucho and hope that this has in some way, any way, helped.
you are always always in my thoughts and prayers girl! I know you can and will get through this. your almost there!! its going to be amazing :D God is working on you and your heart. just trust him. give him it all. lay it at his cross. and never look back. its going to be amazing chica. I know it will. I love you! stay strong :D
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