It's a weird feeling: scrubbing dishes so hard that you feel like you're out of control, wiping down cabinets and putting away groceries like your life depended on it. I spent three hours, three hours making everything perfect, three hours correcting every little flaw, and she is blind. She is blind. I don't do it to avoid trouble, I do it to be seen. Can't you see me? Can't you see me? I'm not sick on the couch anymore. I'm not in your hair anymore. Look. Just look. Or not. Let me sing and shake in the shower, holding on to my hip bones, desiring my physical body to correlate with my disappearance in your heart. I was so much that I smothered you. You became numb to me, dead to me. I offered so much poison that your body finally rejected it, and now you are immune. It's freeing, isn't it?
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4 comments:
I think the hardest thing ever, maybe, is to have that conversation. To collect your thoughts. Sit down with the person. And speak. Pouring it out. Becomming vulnerable and broken.
Something I need to think about doing myself.
see you tomorrow!
Ditto Amanda
You will learn that communication is key to any relationship if it's to succeed. It may be uncomfortable to go to a person and tell them you need to talk but it's the only way to "clear the air". I can only speak from my experiences so let me tell you what I try to do with my girls. I tell them that I know that I'm not perfect and so I will do things that upset them. It's never done intentionally because I love them very much and never want to hurt or upset them. However if I'm doing something that does upset them and I'm not aware of it, the odds are that I will never change. I have asked them to speak honestly with me and make me aware of anything like that. As long as the conversation is not a shouting match I will listen to anything they want to tell me. The truth is that they can tell me anything as long as it's the truth and we'll find a way to deal with it together.
hope this helps. I know you're hurting and I will be praying for you.
Just so you'll know what happened. I put the same comment on before and deleted it because I had a setting wrong which didn't show my name.
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