Life

"Goodbye to sleep,
I think this staying up is exactly what I need
Well take apart your head
Take apart the counting, and the flock it has bred

Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that'll push you up
Right against the wall
(Right against the wall)
Chew it up and swallow it

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right..."
---Brand New

I have words, too.
To people. To things that are like people to me.
This was Kristina's idea.. gracias.

uno.
You hurt me continually. And I hurt you. It breaks my heart that I have to let you go. And it breaks my heart that you laugh and get angry about it. This is so hard. We did love each other, we did connect-- ugh. That's why it hurts, I guess. I don't even think you care anymore, though. That's the thing... you like having some loser on the side who will always love you. You lie. You lie. But do you lie? I'm so confused and broken-hearted and messed up over you. And I have to let you go. I have to let you go...

dos.
I don't know what happened with you. It was rocky from the start. I think that we are very similar in some areas and because of that, we got in each other's ways a little bit. That made us generally dislike one another and it just grew from that. I feel like we're trying to mend this, but something is blocking it. We need to go back to the root of the problem.

tres.
I love you, and I'm so thankful to have you as my friend. You are loyal when no one else is. You stick up for me. You are so high above me in my opinion, but you still continue to be my friend. I need to learn to give back to you. I am so mean sometimes, but your amazing amount of compassion deserves only the best.

cuatro.
I want to know you more. It is one of my biggest desires right now. You are a fascinating, life-giving person. I can see a potential friendship, but something is keeping the actual friendship away.

cinco.
You are taking me over again. And I want it. It's so bad, but I want it more than anything. I want to become pure with you, I want to disappear with you. I want to sacrifice my pleasures for the sweet pain you inflict..

seis.
I don't know if we can be friends. You have always been cool, but far away. My attempts to get closer result in a blow-up. We don't get each other. I wish that he did and maybe we could, but as of now, we do not understand each other.

siete.
You are fun, and I like it. I want to get closer to you because you're a really great person who I think I have a lot in common with. We get along very well, and it's awesome.

ocho.
I love you forever, even though we fight like cats and dogs over some things. We grew up together. We know each other, and I am so happy that you are still a part of my life. I just wish that you were here, rather than there.

nueve.
I feel like you're gone. There are brief moments when you're here, but mostly you're gone. I miss you, friend. We had so much fun together. We fought a lot, but we laughed even more. Come back :[

diez.
I don't like you very much right now. You continue to humiliate me every time I am in your presence. Why can't we be chill?

once.
You are so complex and beautifully interesting, but simultaneously exasperating. I want to know you better, deeper. I want inside the beautiful mind you possess. I want to learn what makes you tick, what makes you sing. And you, me.