I have to leave for youth in 15 minutes. It's sad that it seems more like a hassle to me than a blessing.
I haven't felt anything lately. There was a mini-period in time where I did, but now I am stone. Impermeable stone. Nothing gets through, nothing.
I feel unhealthy.
I need to run, I need to eat less, I need to sleep more.
I feel unintelligent.
I need to study, I need to prioritize, I need to sleep more.
I feel unorganized.
I need to put things away, I need to pick things up, I need to clean.
Prom is in 11 days. That's 1 week and 4 days.
The events of the day will be joyous!
Getting out of school early, getting my hair and make-up done at 1, freaking out between whenever my hair gets done and 5, going to Haley's house at 5, taking pictures with my adorable Tyler in his adorable tux and with my beautiful friends that I am SO THANKFUL for, riding in the limo sososo close to Tyler, eating at Firebirds, dancing and making memories, breakfast at Haley's, and then it will be my birthday!
I think that I'm sort of in a better mood now.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Posted by Amanda at 4:29 PM
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1 comments:
That's good.
But as for the stone -
Make yourself wake up. Slap yourself in the face if you have to. "The more we focus on the pit, the more we get stuck" No pity party for you dear, move. I've probably not been the greatest friend to you, because I haven't been saying what's really on my mind; I'm afraid to hurt people. When you grab your own arm and pull at the skin on your arm and say it's fat, I really want to scream, "WHAT THE HECK GIRL, WHAT DO YOU SEE THAT I CAN'T SEE?!?!" In the most loving way of course, but seriously. It's not healthy for you to fight with your body, and it's NOT healthy the way you see yourself. Don't faint, but maybe your body dosn't WANT to be a size 0 or 3 or whatever you're shooting for. Maybe it wants you to take care of it and to be healthy with it (which you are doing, better than most people in the world) but it wants to be free to be the weight it wants. I think you have a great future with nutrition, you can tell you love it, but when you let it control you, what could be a blessing and a life calling can turn into a curse.
Turn your eyes to the sky, to God. Until it's just you and Him; like a light shinning down just on you. And everything else in the world grows strangely dim. And it's just you and Him. Nothing that's going around you matters anymore. And He gives you that peace that everything is going to be alright. He cultivates you beautifully and He starts to mold and discard everything that shouldn't be there. So when the light between you and Him vanishes & the world around you becomes clear, you know how to handle it. He gives you the solid ground to stand up and walk on. And you know how to hold your ground and embrace the world.
I love you girl, I really do. (:
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