Futures

I, I always believed in futures
I hope for better in November
Try the same booth, same lucky numbers
It could be a cold night for a lifetime
Hey now, you can't keep singing endlessly
My darling, how long until this sun burns me?
Say hello to good times
Trade up all the fast lines
We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets completely
I, I always could count on futures
And things would look up, they'd look up
Why, so hard to find a balance
Between living decent and the cold and real
Hey now, what is it you think you see?
My darling, now's the time to disgaree
Say hello to good times
Trade up all the fast lines
We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets completely
Hey now, the past is told by those who live
My darling, what matters is what hasn't been
Hey now, we're wide awake and we're thinking
My darling, believe your votes can mean something
Say hello to good times
Trade up all the fast lines
We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets completely
We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets completely
-Jimmy Eat World

Life is really hard sometimes. Like, really.

I live for the weekends. I live to get a break, and then it's gone in what feels like two seconds. I got my hair cut/dyed today, and then I came home and slept for five hours. FIVE HOURS! I slept from 1-6. It's crazy. And the funny thing is--I'm still tired. I probably should be sleeping right now because I have to teach those silly kids tomorrow, but I need to write. I crave expression.

The rest of this week wasn't that bad. All of my mornings are terrible because everything is a mess, and I am always running late. I need to organize myself again. I need to clean my room again, but my energy level is only slightly higher than that of the deceased. Maybe I have mono or something. I doubt it. But school is getting better. I started getting 4's on my HUSH homework instead of 3's (4 is the best you can do)! And I got switched into Weight Lifting. I love it, I breathe it. I miss art sometimes, though. I want to go to Barnes and Noble and get a faces book. I want to learn how to draw faces soso much. AP Language is hard. Thursdays are timed writing days, and Fridays are multiple choice days. I swear I failed both. I got a 93 on my first Biology test.. it's okay.

I'm going to run track again. I'm going to run it with enthusiasm. I want to get better. I want to be strong and fast and tough. I need to stop letting fast twins discourage me. I have to work how I work.

I'm never going to get a job. And this stresses me out because I'll never know how to have a job, and I won't ever get a job.. and sdfjkdsjfakjkals. Why can't I ever get hired? Like, seriously.

The Military Ball is soon, and I'm very excited. I need to buy silver shoes and hair spray that works like spray glue. Corey is going to be a fun date. I just hope that he doesn't get kicked out of ROTC, and I hope that his girlfriend doesn't try to maul me like a ravenous bear when she finds out that he's taking me--not her--to the Military Ball. It's going to be fun dancing with Ashton and Marisa and Corey and whoever else I know that's going to be there. And it's right after Valentine's Day. Maybe it'll help me get rid of the "single's blah" that the stupid Hallmark Holiday creates. I don't know.

Revolution is the weekend after the ball, and I'm even more stoked for that. Passionate worship and learning--it's like one of those 19th century revivals. I can't wait. And I won't have a dumb boyfriend to tell me how "stupid" the concept of Revolution is, thereby ruining it for me, like last year. I am me, and I am free. I am not trapped in the confines of an emotionally abusive relationship. I am free.

Prom comes about a month after Revolution. I already have my dress, my date, and my hair appointment. I just have to get the transportation issue figured out. And I need to buy jewelry. And shoes. And stuff. I am so excited, it's like kdjfakjfkal! I like my date mucho, even though I don't think he feels the same. It's okay, though (not really). He's a good friend.

My birthday is the day after prom. And then spring break. I want to go to Virginia Beach, and I want to take people with me. After my sister's birthday is over, I'm going to beg my mom. I want to see Tim, and I want to have all of my new, amazing friends with me, too.

I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. April & May will probably be dull, but then summer comes in June...

Life will be cool. Life will be okay.